Cancer and what it's taught me

This is a post I've started several times but just never seemed to finish. I can't describe the feelings I had when I learned I had cancer. Then when I found out that surgery didn't cure it and that I would be going through chemo, I was just kind of numb as I remembered my Mom going through it. One of my first thoughts were that I would not be able to go help Jen when Sara was born, and that I would have to be careful around Isaac and Lydia because of low blood counts. I thought about how my life was all of a sudden put on hold and that's a scary feeling. I realized that for a while my life would rotate around chemo and radiation treatments and Dr. apt. Through it all I learned some things that I would never have learned otherwise. * I learned that I couldn't change the fact that I had cancer but I still had control of my attitude. I decided early on I was not going to feel sorry for myself, instead I would follow the example of my Mom and put a smile on my face and make the best of it. The quote that was at the radiation clinic helped a lot. "You can't direct the wind but you can adjust the sails." I couldn't change the fact that I had cancer but I could control my attitude. I also know the Lord blessed me with a positive attitude. * I learned the power for fasting and prayer. I felt the strength each time the family would fast for me. I was so touched that Sammy and Mary as little as they are were willing to fast for me. We can learn so much from the faith of little children. The many prayers that were uttered on my behalf gave me strength and the determination to beat the cancer. I loved hearing how all the grandchildren would pray for me. * I know my Heavenly Father was aware of what I was going through and helped me through others whenever things got difficult. I would receive a phone call, a card, or a visit just when I needed it. I know for a fact that these things did not happen by chance that it was the Lord's way of letting me know he cared. One example was when the YM came caroling the night I started to loose my hair. Even though I had tried to tell myself it would be fine I was still bothered by it. But when the YM came and sang about Christ I was so touched as I realized I had nothing to be upset about, As I thought about the meager circumstances that he was born in how could I be upset loosing my hair. After all it would grow back. (not as fast as I would like) It also made me remember and contemplate on the true meaning of Christmas. I wished I could describe the feelings I had as I felt my Heavenly Father's love for me that night. * I learned what it means to truly turn our fears over to Christ. In Stake Conference shortly after I was diagnosed and still had lots of fears and concerns Pres. Weaver (Tacoma Mission Pres.) spoke and reminded us to "Be not afraid, only believe." It was truly and answer to my prayers. I was reminded that since I believed in Christ and his atonement, I didn't have to be afraid. Christ had already suffered for me, I could turn it over to him. I can honestly say after that my fears were gone and my love for my Savior grew tremendously. The atonement became real to me. * I am so grateful for modern medicine. after having talked to Mary Ellen and heard how different things were for her. I am so grateful for anti-nausea medicines and the way they administer chemo now. It is so much better than she had. I have learned compassion and empathy from the nurses. They are indeed very special people. * I have learned that there were times I had to rely on family and not be the one doing everything. (that was hard for me) I learned that others can do things just as well if not better than I would have. I loved and looked forward to the visits from all of you. I loved it when I would get my blood tested and my counts were high enough to have the kids come. Having visits from each of you gave me something to look forward to. * I have learned that it's not enough to say let me know how I can help, but rather I will be doing this for you. I am thankful for those who just stepped up and told me they would be bringing dinner in, or that they would be there to pick me up after chemo, it didn't matter how long it took. Curt and Suzanne were great examples of this for me as they would bring dream dinners to have in the freezer. Those dinners came in handy many times when I just didn't feel like cooking much. * I learned that no matter how I felt I always felt better when I got up and got dressed every day. * I appreciate the fact that Gary honors his priesthood so much more now. It was such a comfort that I could always ask for a blessing and him, our home teachers or Brandon could always be there willing to give me one. The comfort that came from those blessings are amazing. I'm sure there are many more lessons I have learned but for now these are the ones that come to mind. I am grateful that the cancer is gone and that there will be follow up appointment to monitor how things are going. I am grateful that I was able to participate in a study that may some day help other women. When I was first diagnosed Carol Mayo (a neighbor) gave me a magnate to hang on my fridge that someone had given her husband as he was going through treatment. WHAT CANCER CANNOT DO Cancer is so limited It cannot cripple love, It cannot shatter hope, It cannot corrode faith, It cannot destroy peace, It cannot kill friendship, It cannot suppress memories, It cannot silence courage, It cannot invade the soul, It cannot steal eternal life, It cannot conquer the spirit. I think this about sums up, that cancer can't affect the things that are important in a negative way if we don't let it. Thanks so much for each of you and the part that you played in my treatments and healing. You each knew what I needed at the time and was there to help. I know that cancer affects the whole family and you each did your part with so much dignity and love. I will be forever grateful for each of you.